Once you have a baby, life is never the same again. No matter what people say or what advice they give you, you will never be prepared for your first baby. For a start, you’ve heard about the sleepless nights but until you’ve experienced them, you have no idea what they’re actually like. And don’t get us started on the crying. And the poo. But don’t forget, for every dirty nappy, there’s ten little things that babies do which makes them utterly worthwhile.

We’ve rounded up our favourite quotes which sum up babies and parenting. Some are funny, many are beautiful and others are refreshing and thought-provoking. Please do share if you enjoy them.

“Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.”
~ Jeff Foxworthy

“When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.” 
George Carlin

“It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.” 
Dave Barry

“Babies are such a nice way to start people.” 
Don Herold

“Having a baby changes the way you view your in-laws. I love it when they come to visit now. They can hold the baby and I can go out.”
~ Matthew Broderick

“I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.”
~ Joan Rivers

“A mother does not become pregnant in order to provide employment to medical people. Giving birth is an ecstatic jubilant adventure not available to males. It is a woman's crowning creative experience of a lifetime.” 
~ John Stevenson

“Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.”
~ Jim Gaffigan

“When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail; when you are a baby, everything looks like something to suck.” 
~ Nicholas Day, Baby Meets World: Suck, Smile, Touch, Toddle

“You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby.”
~ Jim Gaffigan

“Babies used to make me nervous, but these squirmy things are awesome once you’ve read the manual.” 
~ David Z. Hirsch, Didn’t Get Frazzled

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